just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
