i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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