So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
