Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
