Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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