So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
