If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Too much gin, very little bucket
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
