Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
