Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
