he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
