Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Screwed.edu
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
