We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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