Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
