Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I could have mohawked her pubes.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
