so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
