do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
