I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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