i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
