I am midnight drunk by noon
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
