She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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