I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
