It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
