i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
