Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My balls are so social today.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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