Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
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