I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
