I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
