When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
