I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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