Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
