That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
