I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
