If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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