Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
