I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
