it's like iHOP with fire
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
