You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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