and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
