it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
