you turned your livingroom into a bong?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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