i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
