I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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