Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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