Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
