Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Screwed.edu
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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