I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
