Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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