i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
