If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
