Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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