K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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